I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
