did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
