just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
