What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
