im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
