Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize