Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
