so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We smell like vodka and hangover
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