HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Randomize
