What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
