you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i drank out of a bidet.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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