Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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