pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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