he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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