I can tuck mytits in my pants
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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