i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
