Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
