Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
