I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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