The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
