His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
