I'm so fucking centered right now
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
