and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
