i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
