I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
