well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
