This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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