My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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