I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he puts the penis in happiness.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize