He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
