Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
