I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
