u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
