why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
