There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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