I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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