The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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