So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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