Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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