Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
