i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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