Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
