We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
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