So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
