I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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