he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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