she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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