the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I am one with the molecules
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
