and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
