U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
