Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just want to make out with him forever
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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