Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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