he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
