dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
