mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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