every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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