I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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