why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
