Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
