It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
