oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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