I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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