He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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