I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
