It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
