i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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