Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
