Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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