Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize