I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
