A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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