hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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